Sunday, November 28, 2010

November stuff

Well i am gonna sum up the past month.

Blady, i like him, but i know its not going anywhere. I just like snuggling with him. I kinda like my secret little thing thats going on. I am using him, just like he is using me.

Matt, guy i met on plenty of fish. He seemed pretty cool on the site, so i agreed to meet him in person. Ended up spending 24 hours with him. I met him and some friends for lunch, then wandered the MOA for a couple hours, off to the Wild game, then applebees. And the freezing rain hit.. Getting to the car in the applebees parking lot was an adventure all by itself. And since the roads were so bad, and the freeways at a standstill, i spent the night at his house. Also the first time i have shared a bed with a guy, in this case a pull out couch, and not done anything. First time i ever spent the night with nate, i got my first kiss, and that was close lips nothing special, but it was more than happened here. Anyways, i just dont think he is for me, and i told him a couple days later.

Oh, me and A helped out blady the other week by filling in on his league vb team. So we played a game, then went to the bar. Had a drink, and a shot, then went back to playing volleyball. We might have been a bit too relaxed during that next game, since we obviously could have beat them, but we didnt. And then, we found ourselves back at the bar. I only spent $2 the whole night, but i drank quite a bit, and played bingo! I didnt want to yell bingo if we won, and neither did A, so we were gonna make one of the guys say it. I got all caught up in the thrill of actually getting a bingo that i yelled when i got one.. and we were playing the game of getting all B's and O's, so i had to yell "I have B.O.!" which i kind of did, since we came straight from volleyball. I had a fun night, even though blady was being boring and sleepy.

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

baby brother

I have a brother that i was never able to meet. He died when he was 3 months old, which was 2.5 years before i was born. His initials are eek, just like mine, in fact i was named after him. We were also born on the same day just different months.

I have always thought that he and I would be very similar, that we would have been close. My other brother and my sister shared a bond when they were growing up, and i always imagined that i would have shared a bond with this brother. I imagined that he would have an easier temperament, be super nice, athletic, smart, but not cocky. That he would be my best friend. As close as i am to my sister, she has never been my best friend, and i have no friends that i consider my best friend either.

I got my brothers baby blanket (a blanket that has a bear head), i got his name, and im sure i got other stuff. But mostly i feel as if i got his life. That i am living for him. Although I am not very spiritual, i like to believe that he is like my guardian angel, and is looking over me. I never got to meet him, yet i can say that i love him. He is here with me, in one way or another. I wish i could have met him, grew up with him, got to know him. And although i didnt, i feel as if i am capable to be the daughter to my parents that he would have been the son for.

you are with me, in spirit.