But i want it...

Why do I do this? I always want who and what i cant have..

I feel like i'm a senior in high school again crushing over blake.. I had a major crush on him for the ENTIRE year. We had band class together, and had mutual friends in the class, so i was around him a lot. When we traveled to California for our trip, i sat with him on almost all the rides at Disneyland, and sat with him on the bus we had for travel in california. He even danced with me at prom. He grabbed my hands and put them around his neck. But he dated one of my best friends early that year and was still very much hung up on his ex.. Still i had the biggest crush on him.

In the same way I have a crush on DD. I texted him that i had a good time at dinner, and i havent gotten a response at all. I know its only been a couple of days, i just have bad feelings about it :/

And you would think that id be over blady by now.. but nope. Seeing him again didnt help. At all. And i know that he has a girlfriend, i know that he is just using me when he talks to me and invites me over, and i know that he is no good for me. But i want what i cant have. I like the thrill of sneaking around, and misbehaving. I just dont like that i dont exist when he doesnt want anything, or that there is no feeling behind anything.

Overthinking

I usually dont remember my dreams, but i do remember some of my dreams from last night. I kept dreaming that DD called me or texted me, asking me out again. I also dreamed that there was a picture of us together.

I just cant stop thinking about him. This isnt good. What if nothing else comes out of it :/ I always fall for the ones that dont seem to want me back.. what if this is another of those situations? Especially since i suck at making moves, so if another date happens, it really is in his ballpark, and ugh.. im overthinking. I know i am i just cant stop..

Blind Date Adventure

My dad came home from ice fishing this weekend and told me about this great guy that he met. Going on and on, then my dad tells me this guy has a wild side, so he recommended my sister instead of me. Well my sister has a guy she is interested in, so my and my mom and my sister all gave my dad so much crap that he didn't find the guy for me.

To make up for this, my dad called the guy and set up a date for me. My dad set up a blind date for me with this guy, which was also a double date with my parents... I know what you are thinking. A date with my parents?? Yepp. And we went to the restaurant my sister works at, meaning, my sister was our waitress. We made dating a family affair.

And things actually went well. We are gonna call him DD for double date, cause i dont know what else to call him offhand. Well he is SUPER cute!! He is 24, and taller than me, and works out. He used to play Hockey in high school until he broke his leg and both heels. The casts were supposed to be red, but they dried as a nice hot pink. He was just fun to be around. We exchanged phone numbers at the end of the date, and i really hope he calls or texts me, cause i suck at making moves. But i'll text him sometime if he doesn't.

Ahhh... i just really want to see him again. Its been a while since i've been this excited about dating!! He is just soooooo incredibly cute! And he has the sense of humor that i enjoy. My mom even threw a chip at him at one point.

Now, im not sure why my sister asked him this, but she asked him when the last time he touched a vagina was. And me and DD were left alone at the table a little while before, so my mom said "It better not have been 5 minutes ago!" Then she said "Did i just say that?" And oh my gosh, i laughed so hard I cried! We all seemed to have a blast :)

Pretty darn good first date if i say so myself.

~nooblet

To love or not to love

So, i know i have plenty of chances with guys, but i cant find one i want.

I read romance books and watch romantic movies. There are just all these love stories out there, but i cant find my own. Guys end up liking me, but i dont feel the same way back. Im too picky. I want what i cant have. Once i get it i dont want it. I just dont know what to do. I want to find a guy that gives me butterflies, where my stomach flutters just by them looking at me. I want something more than what ive had. I want to be so in love with someone it hurts. Instead i do the hurting.. i just wish i could actually fall in love with someone. Someone who loved me back. I want the real deal. I dont even care if i end up getting my heart broken, because at least that means i cared.