Bitter Sweet

It has been a very bitter sweet time for me lately.

Its been nice not having classes and homework, and getting some distance from the drama that has been accumulating in RF, but I hate being away from BJ. In the same way its nice being back around my family and friends, but im not really home.. hopefully I will have an actual room in an actual house when i get back from Nebraska. I have been busy relaxing while trying to get as much stuff in as possible, which is a difficult task, and i still have so much stuff that i need to get done for Nebraska and i take my GRE this thursday... And i havent been doing much studying.. Sigh. There needs to be more time in the day, and i need more motivation.

Im a slacker.. Always have been. But I'm an intelligent slacker, so i usually get by on my good memory and as little work as possible. I dont know what BJ sees in me sometimes. I dont know what my family sees in me sometimes. I honestly do as little as i possibly can. School, work, life.. if there is an easier option, i tend to do it. And I am with this amazing guy, who puts in so much effort in everything he does. He has all these goals he wants to accomplish, and he takes steps towards accomplishing them. I still dont know what i want to do with my life. People keep placing these steps in front of me, so i climb them. Honestly, I wish i lived in the 50s or whatnot. I'm not a feminist, men can jump higher, run faster, and get away with a lot more than women. Im fine with that. I dont like driving, and i would have enjoyed being woo-ed by gentleman suiters, rather than dealing with the crappy dating-life i grew up with. I could see my self being a stay at home mom, making dinner, cleaning, taking care of the kids. Because it would have been put in front of me to do. I wouldnt have to think it out. It would be simple. Unfortunately, i live here and now. With all these options... I mean, i like options, when given 2 or 3. But i also like simple. So if i was given one option, i could probably accept that, depending on the one option.

Yeah, this blog is kinda going off track... basically life is bitter sweet. I'm enjoying it at the moment, but stressing about all these little things still. And missing my baby most of all. Gotta kick my butt in gear here for the next couple days, thats for sure. Gotta get the mental strength going again.. and the physical.. im weak :/ its crazy how fast it happens, but im sure my butt is going to be kicked into gear next year with BJ getting me into shape. Ahhh, that could be scary!

Running Out Of Time

So many things to do and they are approaching so fast. Finals are next week, and I still have tests and stuff to get done for all my classes that are ending this week. I want to just be enjoying the time I have left of school because its ending so fast and all the due dates are just stacking up. Packing alone seems like a crazy task. I am going to need to pack stuff that will basically be stored for the summer, and then pack the stuff I'm going to need and plan on taking with me to Nebraska. After I finish all my finals and actually leave rf, i am going to have to put in some solid studying time. cause two weeks after finals, i take my GRE. Not to mention I plan on going to a Twins game earlier that week, and as soon as im done taking my test I have to go up to my cousins to prepare for her wedding. Thank goodness its not my wedding, but I probably wouldnt chose such a hectic time in my life. Note to self: dont swamp yourself when you actually do get married. Then a week after the wedding I go to Nebraska for two months, 8 whole weeks. That is going to be tough.

This whole summer is going to be tough. After seeing BJ every single day, being apart will be hard. Especially since I will be super busy before I go to Nebraksa, so i wont be able to see him much, and the whole time im in Nebraska I definitely wont see him. I wouldnt expect him to drive out to see me. So it wont be until August when I would be able to visit him, and I dont even know if i will really be able to see him then since he has kind of ridiculous work hours over the summer. Crazier than they are now. I just want to be back at school this fall, so I can be with him again. Only a couple minutes away.

But being back at school this fall just means more work.. When will this craziness end?? After I get my masters? Or will i actually go all the way to getting my PhD? And then I will have to get a job.... Growing up sucks. I liked being young and care-free.