Its been nice not having classes and homework, and getting some distance from the drama that has been accumulating in RF, but I hate being away from BJ. In the same way its nice being back around my family and friends, but im not really home.. hopefully I will have an actual room in an actual house when i get back from Nebraska. I have been busy relaxing while trying to get as much stuff in as possible, which is a difficult task, and i still have so much stuff that i need to get done for Nebraska and i take my GRE this thursday... And i havent been doing much studying.. Sigh. There needs to be more time in the day, and i need more motivation.
Im a slacker.. Always have been. But I'm an intelligent slacker, so i usually get by on my good memory and as little work as possible. I dont know what BJ sees in me sometimes. I dont know what my family sees in me sometimes. I honestly do as little as i possibly can. School, work, life.. if there is an easier option, i tend to do it. And I am with this amazing guy, who puts in so much effort in everything he does. He has all these goals he wants to accomplish, and he takes steps towards accomplishing them. I still dont know what i want to do with my life. People keep placing these steps in front of me, so i climb them. Honestly, I wish i lived in the 50s or whatnot. I'm not a feminist, men can jump higher, run faster, and get away with a lot more than women. Im fine with that. I dont like driving, and i would have enjoyed being woo-ed by gentleman suiters, rather than dealing with the crappy dating-life i grew up with. I could see my self being a stay at home mom, making dinner, cleaning, taking care of the kids. Because it would have been put in front of me to do. I wouldnt have to think it out. It would be simple. Unfortunately, i live here and now. With all these options... I mean, i like options, when given 2 or 3. But i also like simple. So if i was given one option, i could probably accept that, depending on the one option.
Yeah, this blog is kinda going off track... basically life is bitter sweet. I'm enjoying it at the moment, but stressing about all these little things still. And missing my baby most of all. Gotta kick my butt in gear here for the next couple days, thats for sure. Gotta get the mental strength going again.. and the physical.. im weak :/ its crazy how fast it happens, but im sure my butt is going to be kicked into gear next year with BJ getting me into shape. Ahhh, that could be scary!
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