I'm Not 5..

Last night I was in a funk, like a really bad funk. I've been looking at prices online for things like dresses and flowers and honeymoon (so expensive!) and its been getting me down. I need to get a part time job this year, i need to pay for rent, and for food, and for all this wedding stuff. And I know I that I havent been living at home for a while, but I was never really out in the world by myself, having to pay for these things. So to me it felt like I was being shoved out into the real world. No one seemed to be understanding just how stressed i was and i broke down. Of course BJ got the blunt of it because he worries about me, and doesnt like to see me upset. I refused to actually call him and talk, so we were talking on fb chat. . when he used an all caps statement that looked like yelling, so I hid myself from him and wouldnt respond to any of his messages or texts or calls. Until all of a sudden mommy called me. He TOLD on me.. to my mom!! Not cool.. not cool at all. I'm not 5, i dont get to be tattled on anymore. I am aware that mom called me down and made me feel better about everything. But.. you just dont do that! So later when I did allow him to skype with me, i refused to talk. He was being punished. For over an hour during our conversation I would type to him in the chat window while he would talk. He is just lucky that I allowed him to see me. I thought about not enabling the video and making him suffer. But in the end, i felt too bad to do both.