Lost

Have you ever been standing in a crowd and felt the world move around you?

You try to move or turn or even speak, but its all useless.

You are stuck. Lost in a sea of chaos, just waiting to be pulled under.

I feel like that right now. The days just keep getting worse as I get closer to the end on my stay here, making it impossible for me to be happy that I get to go home since I have so much to worry about before I can.

I am sitting here, watching my group members rewrite my entire part of our presentation. Literally watching, because we are doing it on google docs so that we can all write. And as I watch little pieces of me keep withering away. The introduction, my part of our presentation, sounds nothing like me. I think I am going to get confused saying it, so how is the audience going to be able to understand it? Every suggestion I make gets shot down, so I have stopped bothering. Instead I focus my attention on not breaking down in front of them at this very moment. I focus my attention on things that I do have control of, like this blog.

I'm here but not here. Everything moving around me while I merely watch.

I try to move, to turn, to speak. But all in vain.

I am stuck. Lost in the words that I am going to have to say, waiting for it to pull me under.