Every Time

I do this thing where I let myself get really excited for something, just to have things fall through. I get hurt every time. I get up hopes up high just to let it crash back to the ground. Happened now.

It doesnt help that currently i'm dealing with the stroke my grandpa just had, and i dont have MY room at MY house or even have my normal room here, and i'm probably somewhat stressed about the trip to NY, and its just difficult..

mood: very sad

Killing Time

Time is going by so slowly.. I woke up at 9 today, naturally, to find out that I have absolutely nothing to do until at the earliest 2. its currently 11:30, so i havent killed too much time yet, I still have just as long, if not longer to go. Special K is picking me up at (hopefully) 2 since he is having to drive all around anyways and then i'll be there and ready to leave for when we head out Thursday morning for New York. If time would just go by a little bit faster things would be better, but i am just so bored, and impatient. :/

well im gonna go try to waste more time.

Not So Home Sweet Home

Part of the reason I have been okay with staying at this house during the summer is because I am usually NOT here. I work 9.5 hours a day, 5 days a week. And weekends i usually have plans, thanks to special k. But I am on vacation time from week, which started at about 1:30 this afternoon. And i dont want to be at the house. Especially since the guest bedroom that had been made my room, is now being prepared for their daughter and son-in-law.. so i had to pack up all my stuff and get to share the other guest bedroom with their grand daughter. All of these people coming tomorrow, but I'm out today.. It just isnt my idea of a home at all. I'd rather sleep on a cot at my dad's shop. And i told them that i might spend Wed. night at my parents shop, cause my dad is hopefully driving me to meet Special K thursday morning. But they didnt seem to understand why i would sleep their, and why my dad wouldnt pick me up.

1. my dad is gonna be driving me somewhere, so why would i make him drive even more to pick me up when i am capable of driving to him

2. I am taking time out of my dads day, so i am trying to take as little as possible. It would take more time away from his work day to have to pick me up.

These reasons didnt seem valid or something to them. Not sure why they wouldnt. It makes PERFECT sense to me, and hopefully you. But did they think for even a second that maybe i feel weird staying in a room with their granddaughter? of course not. cause they dont seem to understand that situations become uncomfortable very easily to me..

Sometimes I think they live in a bubble, and dont understand my point of view. So i dont ask god for answers to my questions, Sorry, but he isnt gonna give me an answer. I decided things for myself. And wow, big shocker here, I have my own OPINIONS on things, and voicing them should not be lectured with how some people like things that way. I NEVER said anything other than i like things certain ways for myself. I dont care what others do, thats their choice.

I just want my house back.. or my room at school already.

Can I leave for New York yet??

mood: kinda sad

Grandparents

I have 3 grandparents. In my junior year Grandpa S died after his health continued to depreciate since his stroke. Grandpa S was born on the 4th of July, so i guess this is kinda coming as a shock that my Grandpa K had a stroke today, so close to my other Grandpa's birthday. Grandpa K was air lifted to a hospital, but apparently is stable. It just seems all too familiar. Both having strokes.. It was difficult being around Grandpa S after his stroke. Im not good around sick people... and being at places like the nursing home, or any hospital makes me feel weak.

And now i just feel like all the emotion from Grandpa S's stroke and funeral and everything is hitting me because of Grandpa K's stroke. i guess, i just wish i knew more..

I just want someone to hold me right now.

Special K

This past weekend, my friend decided she was gonna call me and my boyfriend by nicknames. She wants to call me eek cause its my initials, and her name for him was k bar. Now when i heard k bar, i thought of those special k granola bars, so i have tweaked the nickname to special k, cause he is my special k :)

Also, i found out today that special k is invited to my cousins wedding! Which means i'll actually have a date to a wedding. I am super excited. I am also excited for my trip to NY this weekend with him, and for some reason mostly excited for the vb trip the next weekend, well mostly just Saturday night, with the concert and alcohol. It'll just be a ton of fun. Its been forever since i've drank, and its the most fun for to drink with special K, cause i feel more comfortable with the situation and can relax more.

I am so happy with him :)

Power Walking

Some of the days when I drive home from work, i see these two older ladies power walking. One may think this is an ordinary sight, but not in my case. These two ladies both have white-blonde hair, and orange skin... yes, orange. It is way past tan. And they wear rather low cut/revealing outfits to walk in. Not like most older ladies would wear at all. This just confuses me. I mean, the clothes dont really look good on them. It emphasizes the sagginess of their boobs.. I feel like these two women are the future of some of those girls from highschool that worried way too much about their appearance that they looked completely fake. Just wish they could see their future for themselves.

~nooblet

Moody Madness

I swear that boy.. i get into a mood where i am irritated with him and then he always says something to get me out of it without even trying. I had no real reason to be upset at him, just was, and he kept saying cute things like "just think, in 48 hours we will be in bed together :)" and he said "goodnight sweetie" to me tonight. I know that he wishes he could have me in his arms as much as i want to be there, but i just love when he makes it apparent. I cant stay mad at him. (my mad being a slightly irritated, make him take pay for what he said thingy, nothing serious) I just wanna cuddle up to him right now.. still got tonight and tomorrow by myself though. And two days at work with those kids and my 6:20 alarm clock. UGH... Is it my week off yet??

I cant wait for that week. First i get my road trip to New York :) then when i get back a few days of break, and then Waupaca volleyball tournament, all with my guy. And i finally am gonna see my friend again!! :D Still gotta find another guy though!!

"Noob"let

So my name on this blog is nooblet. I chose that name because my guy calls me noob all the time. I personally like nooblet more that noob, gives it more of a girly quality. But i embrace and actually like when he calls me noob. He has also called me nooblet before, because he knows about this blog, even though i wont let him read it. But i wanted to share some new versions of noob that be has called me. Last night he used "noobtastic" and today in texts he used "noobalicious"

I must say that my boyfriend is weird. Most people know about the "see you later alligator" and "in a while crocodile" right? Well who has ever heard of "catch ya later when you're straighter"??

Yep, this is the kind of stuff that i put up with.

~nooblet

Food Baby

I ate so much this evening at Noodles & Company that my tummy is sticking out in a way that makes me look pregnant. I'm pregnant with a food baby! My tummy is protruding out, and im just waiting for it to go back to normal. No more eating that much.. my poor food baby tummy.

Cars

I find it such a tease to see a really REALLY nice little sports car, with an old guy in it.. I think it should be a rule that only good looking guys should be allowed to drive them. Cause i mean who really wants to be looking at this amazing car and see a middle aged, baling, slightly chubby, older man? It just doesnt fit. All these guys having their "mid-life-crisis" need to grow up and just accept that half of their possible life its gone. Too bad, so sad. But i dont want to be looking at a nice car then be sorry for looking cause of who is driving it.

~nooblet

Cute Little Things

Why does it take so much to get cute things out of my guy. Took me forever to get him to say that he wanted me in his arms :). He can make my day by just saying something cute or sweet to me unprompted. But it doesn't usually happen. I had to start it by saying that i missed him. Or asking him if i looked pretty in the picture. I want him to just say something, out of the blue. Cause he knows how to make me smile.

Swiggle

So when i am sitting/standing or whatever, i tend to move some part of my body back and forth. And one day i created a word to describe this random motion. Swiggle. I was sitting on a stool, swaying from side to side cause the stool has a swivel top. And out of my mouth came the word swiggle. Now, my mom thought it was kinda cute, and my guy just looked at me like i was crazy. So what, i make my own vocabulary! And so the word swiggle was born. Now whenever i Sw (sway, swivel, swirl) wiggle, it will be called a swiggle.

Moods and The Boy

I am just in this horrible mood currently. Half of me wants to cry and the other half of me is an undecided emotion. Doesn't help that my guy is oblivious to that kind of stuff. And although he said that he would keep me entertained and text me, long intervals happen, one lasted an hour. I respond then nothing. And i hate having to send another text just to get an answer back. He has also been jokingly asking me to visit him all day. He doesn't understand that if he doesn't seriously ask me, that i wont go. I need to know that he really wants me to visit and it wasn't just a thought that floated through his head... I don't want to fight for his attention, cause i want to give him his space so that i don't suffocate him or anything. I like him more than i thought. And i therefore am second guessing a lot because i don't want to do something stupid and lose him. But i am not that good at reading him, and he isn't very open about his feelings, and i just don't know what to do.
I've been in this weird messed up mood since about 5 pm this evening. And Mr. Clueless over here seems oblivious even though i told him i was in a mood. I just want him to show he cares more.. And the half of me that wants to cry keeps showing its ugly head..

Pissy

I am so F***ing pissed right now. Guys need to understand how easy it is to put girls into moods when they are on their periods. Or at least me. I blame the birth control. Having my hormones regulated makes life hell for the week i'm not on it. And talking to me for 40 minutes about an issue between you are your ex gf is not gonna put me into a cheery mood! Why on earth would it.. When we both know that we should go to bed by 11pm, cause we both have early jobs in the morning, why would you start talking about that subject?? Then say something stupid, and basically log off facebook. UGH!! Getting a text saying sorry and goodnight is not cutting it. I'm seriously gonna boycott his texts tomorrow... I'm pissed.

PMS

I hate that my body knows when I'm close to being on the week off my birth control. PMS is a bitch and i hate blaming things on that, but its true. I already feel like i look bloated, and i'm in a mood. I've actually been pissy all week. Why do girls have to deal with the mess of all that. Guys have it so incredibly easy!!

Bad Dreams..

Lately I've been having bad dreams.. I usually dont remember my dreams, and i know that i have been lately based on the time i go to bed and am waken up by an alarm in the morning, cutting my dream short, but making me remember it.

My dream from last night took me on a wild goose chase. I recall being in Bemidji, I know this because i was with my ex (N) for some reason. Just hanging out with him and our mutual friend A. It was obvious we werent together because i knew i was with K like i am. And i think I was going to school at bemidji still, that was clear cause i couldnt move into my room yet. Which led me to being at N's house.. where i saw his parents. His mom always hated me and always really liked A. So that part of the dream was a horrible reminder of that.
Then the dream turned into me at my house, my old house, the one we sold. And a cleaning crew was there, but they turned into people that posed as a cleaning crew and robbed you of everything.. This is about when i wake up. I think the second part of my dream is that i feel like my house has been taken away from me. Since i lived there my whole life, and suddenly dont have it anymore. And i know its true cause I am tearing up thinking about it.

I just hope this constant bad dream run will stop. Give me a happy dream! Maybe i need a dream catcher again. I had one when i was little, my brother made one and gave it to me cause i had a lot of bad dreams. But then i never really remembered my dreams and i blamed the dream catcher, so i gave it to my sister about a year ago. Might need a new one..