Paleness

So I don't get outside a bunch just to get sun.. So people start to say crazy things, like call me a ghost or ask if i glow in the dark. I've always liked being pale. Its not like I try to be pale, it just don't sit out in the sun in my bathing suit for an hour every day or pay to go to a tanning salon. Its not that big of a deal to me.
Today, I was at my guy's softball tournament, and was purposefully out in the sun so that i would actually get some color.. and i got some. The color red. And it probably wouldn't look that bad currently, if it wasn't for those fun things called tan lines, which shows just how white you were before, and how bad the burn actually is. There is a big contrast, lets just leave it at that. But i am so not a ghost right now, so take that people!

Weekend

So, I never got to ride horses this weekend, but i was very happy to see my guy. I actually met both sets of parents, and spent a night at both of the houses. I know i didn't pass his dad's "test" because I am not the most outdoorsy girl in the world, i like my bed too much. But it was a rather lazy weekend. On saturday night, we took blankets out into his backyard and just laid out there for a while.. okay there was more than just laying out there, but you get the drift. Would have been nice if the sky wasn't over overcast, so we could maybe see the stars, but nope. Saw the moon through the clouds a bit though.

I was a little upset with the weather being so darn unpredictable. Rain, no rain, wind like crazy. Kinda cool, hot and muggy. Ugh!!

Also, parents.. Its not that they have to disappear completely, but i feel like i cant be snuggly when they are around. And strangely enough my guy is very snuggly. Never would've thought that.

I would continue, but i'm tired, and having some difficulty typing now. Using the backspace a LOT

Apparently I Had Something to Say

I really dont even know what I plan on writing about, but i feel like writing something. So its a complete mystery to me what will be following this sentence. My parents are being ridiculous. So im not a virgin. Its not a secret. And my parents know im not. I am visiting my new boyfriend for the first time since we became official, and i havent had sex with him so far. My mom is being rather annoying.. she asked me where i was gonna sleep so i lied and said i would make sure I slept on the couch or something. Thing is, I am a very bad liar. And she has a way of asking me questions and getting the answer out of me without me saying a word.. and she emphasized how i shouldnt sleep with this new guy right away. She also wants to know his address and home phone number. Seriously?? She didnt do any of this crap with my last boyfriend. My mom also keeps asking me questions about this guy, and what we have in common, and how i shouldnt only do things that he wants to do. Geez mom, im not marrying the guy. Its called going out. Testing the waters. Calm the fuck down, pardon the language. I miss college so much for the freedom. Im not even living with my parents this summer, i'm living with their best friends. But when i was at college, i didnt have to explain where i was going and why. I had such freedom. I miss that...

~nooblet

Short But Sweet

Sometimes it takes some work to get out of him, but I love when he says cute little comments. :)

Right or Wrong?

What is it about me, where people NEVER listen to me when I know I am right about something?? Happens all the time! Seriously, I don't argue over something when I even have a doubt that I'm wrong. Because I would rather listen to what people have to say about something than make a fool out of myself. Yet when I know I am write, and voice my opinion, I get shut down. I'm sick of it. But it will continue to happen. And so is the cycle of my life

~nooblet

Freeblogdom

I dont know what I like about this so much, this blogging thing. Because it is basically the same as my journal, which has gotten absolutely no entries since i started this blog, yet I like writing to an audience and not to myself. Not that anyone really even reads this. Its just nice getting it out. Some of this stuff I probably would never talk about it person. Partly because I wouldn't think about it when around people, and partly because I never know how people will react, so I keep things to myself. I love the freedom of saying what I feel. Also very glad that my guy cant read them!! :)

Cookies!

Let me start out by saying that I know this post is gonna jump around a bit, but first off. I get a knock on my door shortly after midnight. The mom of the people I live with has been making cookies!! So i am invited to have one. I was so happy, I love fresh made chocolate chip cookies, I always wished that my own mother would randomly make them when i was home from college for a weekend, but she isnt the baking type. This lady however, LOVES to cook. Any type. She made cookies and potato salad tonight. Prepared to make muffins for tomorrow. And prepared a whole meal for her husband and son to take fishing tomorrow. I must say, the food is a major plus of living here.
Secondly, my friend had an event planned for her friends. I found out that no one showed up. And i really wish I could have been there for her. But summer has separated us, not by too much, but enough to make it an inconvenience. Plus since I found out at about 2 in the morning, there wasnt much I could do. If i was there, I would do something stupid that would make her laugh, which is our way. Because I know her pain.
I talk to about 2 people from high school still, and i dont talk to or see them often. I also have already lost touch with most of the people from my first college. I seem to be a roamer. Not really able to keep friends, and I dont understand why. I try to be nice, I dont do anything mean. I just dont seem to understand. People dont seem to like me for me, so i bother trying after i get blown off enough.
Currently, I just wish I could crawl into my guys bed, and have him hold me. Even though he will fall back asleep super fast cause i woke him up, and as he falls asleep he would roll away, silly boy cant sleep touching people. Also wakes up to the slightest movement, which is why i know he would wake up if i crawled into his bed. But i like him anyways. And he tends to wake up earlier than me anyhow, cause i like my sleep :)

Movies

So I saw Robinhood tonight, good movie, I wont give anything away other than they kiss but who doesn't see that one coming? I also saw Leap Year yesterday, in which they also kiss, but saying that really doesnt ruin the ending of the movie so dont worry. I need to stop watching all these romantic movies by myself or with family.. I just wanna kiss someone so badly when I watch them. I dont wanna kiss just anyone, cause that would be weird, but it makes me want a slow passionate kiss with the person I like. Unfortunately, he isnt really the slow passionate kissing type. Kissing bores him to some extent. Then again, he has never made out with anyone that actively kisses. So I'm gonna do my best to change his mind on that topic :)
Ugh, I just so badly want to kiss him right now!
Its been 2 weeks since I have seen him, and I have another week to wait. But when I him in a week, it will be the first time I see him since he asked me out.. Scary thought!
Have I ever mentioned that I make situations awkward VERY easily? well I can. My volleyball team in high school nicknamed "the Queen of Awkwardness"... which I actually kind of like. But it does explain me well. I just hope that when I see him again, I wont make the situation awkward. If i was in the movies I wouldn't. I have would have a cute little line to everything that got thrown at me. But nope. I get shy, and quiet and over think things. I guess it just means I got stuff to work on.

Not A Multi-Tasker

Isn't it amazing how obvious people make it when you aren't the most important person in the room/conversation/etc.? I admit that i do this. Someone will keep you company while you wait for another person to show up, but once that person shows up, the other person no longer exists. I just went through this. And i would like to clarify that i am not upset about this, merely writing down that it happened to me tonight. With my boy. Since our thing is long distance, although only an hour away, we text a lot. Until either me or him have something to do. In this case, he is busy. And by the time he will be un-busy )not sure when that will be) I will more than likely be busy.. He was expecting a friend to visit him, so the last thing he said to me in text, "He's here. Bye"
And so ended our conversation.

Happy Trail

Happy trail, treasure trail, whatever people are calling belly fuzz today..
I like to play with it when i cuddle. i like to trace my fingers all over a guys body, and play with the hair on their happy trail. I don't know what entices me so much about this, the contrast between smooth skin and the patch of hair? Perhaps because I am a tease and it probably turns the guy on while doing nothing of the sort to myself. Maybe I should ask if guys like that next time I find myself doing this particular activity.
I also found myself discussing this topic with a friend, and how much of a happy trail I like. I decided that around belly button and lower is the perfect amount. None of this chest full of hair business. I say that when that happens, it is no longer a happy trail, but just a mess. There is no happy forest, you would get lost in the trees and never find your way along the trail!
This is my insight for the night

~Nooblet

Blinkers

Click... Click... Click...
Is it really that difficult to signal your turn or lane shift people? Common courtesy is that you use your blinker. I use my blinker when no other car is even in sight! It is a good habit. I'll admit, people not using their blinker is a big pet peeve of mine. Doesnt take much energy and i'm sure all the people around you will appreciate it. So please consider it next time.

~Nooblet

Changes

I was really not expecting today to go how it has been. I was all prepared for the rainy weather, which was matching my mood. But Konfused, apparently now not confused, asked me out. Trust me, I was not expecting this in the slightest. But that obnoxious, frustrating, somehow sweet guy realized I was worth it in some way or another. Just as the weather is starting to clear up, and the sun beginning to show its face again, I too am in a better mood.

Now just to see how long it will stay, since I am moving out of my dorm today and away from the freedom of college life. I will be leaving a friend that I have just recently made, but love to spend time with. And i will be moving into a house that I feel like a guest in. Only 3.5 months of summer though.

Summer will be a mixed blessing. Summer means my time with the guy, but not with my friend. But school will mean time with my friend, but not with the guy, who will probably be leaving in October. I suppose I should just let things play out how they will. I've always been bad at that though. I like to meddle with my own life. Hmm.. Wish me luck.

~Nooblet

Time

I know that this is wrong, but sometimes I wish I had something: cancer, some rare disease. I am not suicidal or contemplating death. I just wonder, and sometimes feel like I'm not meant to have a full life. I want to be given a certain time to live, and do Everything that I have always wanted. I think that I would be happier.

I also talk about wanting someone to love me for me.. I had that. It wasnt the perfect relationship, but he loved me and I loved him. And I chose to end it. Love doesnt conquer all things... And whoever said that it is better to have loved and lost, then not loved at all, can go crawl in a hole and die. Because I wouldn't have to pain that I currently have if i hadnt gone through it. I'd rather be curious and wondering then feeling my heart rip into pieces. I thought I was over this, but Konfused is making me realize how much i loved about my ex.

So I want to be diagnosed with something, told that I have 6 months to live, or whatever. And be happy for that short amount of time rather than confused, hurt, worried, annoyed, and lost for a long unknown amount of time.

Happily Never After

If there is no such thing as a fairy-tale, then why do people wish for them so?
Yet I have accepted that my life wont be in the story books. I do however still wish for a guy to just want me, for me. A guy that will love me, and me him. Too much to ask for? Maybe. I know I wont find that guy or that love anytime soon. But why cant i actually ENJOY life until I met the right guy for me?

I Am Lost.

I feel like I have been jumping all over the place and just need to take a chill pill and relax. Unfortunately, that is easier said than done. I am lost. I am scared. I just don't know anymore. I feel like I don't belong where I am.. Like I should be on a completely different path. I feel like i was forced into this life and am now stuck living it. Can I just fast forward life to next semester? I dont want summer at all. It is just causing me drama and stress. I dont want to live with the family friends I am supposed to live with. I want my house, my room, my life BACK. I have a room, but it wont be MY room, I'll be in a house, but it wont be HOME. I just want to be a hermit this summer. I'll go to work, then go back to the room assigned to me and hide. No people, No boys, No drama. Just me and my computer.
I'm in control of my own emotions. They are controlling me. But I am also letting them. Because once they do their ups and downs, they will even out and I will feel better.

I am lost. Lost in my own head.
I am scared. Scared of where my life is going.
I just don't know anymore. Don't know what I am doing or why.

I want things to go smoothly for once, for everything to just be alright. I want someone to wrap their arms around me, tell me everything is okay, because they are there for me. But I'm alone in this world just like I have always been, and will be for the foreseeable future. I have accepted this. Because that is what I do. Accept what I am given. Without complaint to who is offering it to me. But that does not mean that I WANT it, not in the least.

Confused By Konfused

I just want to be out of this confused state. I want to know what is happening with my own life, thank you. Here is my dilemma, the boy (lets called him Konfused) was talked to by a friend of mine today, trying to get him to choose between just friends, or a relationship. I mean, being in a relationship isnt that scary, because you can choose to end them at any time. He can't expect me to keep visiting him and planning things with him if I am just his friend. It just seems weird to me, having only one female friend continuously visiting but to not be in a relationship with said person, when it is obvious they like them! Lets put this in math terms, since its my major (I'll keep if easy though): lets say that 2 = [in between] which is where i am with this guy. 2+1=3, where 2-1=1. that simple. Pick if you want to add me or subtract me 3= [you and me] , 1= [you]
I think it makes perfect sense. Guess i'll just have to wait and see if he ever decides.

Men Are Dumb And Jerks

Okay, men, what is it about keeping your "rep" and saying something rude in public, then something extremely sweet in private!? Is there something programmed into men that make them act like a jerk in public, but then switch it for private? And i know the whole excuse, that guys are mean to the women they like, but some things just go too far.. I could do without the comment from this morning. Okay, I'm moving on now.

Boys Are Dumb

Is it really that difficult for guys to show girls a little bit of attention? I know that things would never work out in the long run with the guy that I currently like, but he obviously likes me too, so why can't we just let things play out how they want. I hate being in this more than just friends, but less than a relationship situation.

My heart flutters when he texts me unprompted, and I can't help but smile to some of the things I read. But the other half of the time, he won't text back, will stop texting suddenly, or will act like he doesn't care. He always jokes that I should visit him, but to me it is just a joke, not an actual invitation. I cant tell what he is actually thinking. Seriously guys, just say what you mean for once.

I can understand the fear of being rejected; I have also felt that sting which I am sure is why I haven't asked a guy to a dance since. But most girls (stay away from the bitchy stuck-up ones) will do their best to let you down kindly if they don't like you the same way. But all the stupid boys out there, who wont say how they feel, are the reason for this rant. Suck it up, and show some emotion for once.