I Am Lost.

I feel like I have been jumping all over the place and just need to take a chill pill and relax. Unfortunately, that is easier said than done. I am lost. I am scared. I just don't know anymore. I feel like I don't belong where I am.. Like I should be on a completely different path. I feel like i was forced into this life and am now stuck living it. Can I just fast forward life to next semester? I dont want summer at all. It is just causing me drama and stress. I dont want to live with the family friends I am supposed to live with. I want my house, my room, my life BACK. I have a room, but it wont be MY room, I'll be in a house, but it wont be HOME. I just want to be a hermit this summer. I'll go to work, then go back to the room assigned to me and hide. No people, No boys, No drama. Just me and my computer.
I'm in control of my own emotions. They are controlling me. But I am also letting them. Because once they do their ups and downs, they will even out and I will feel better.

I am lost. Lost in my own head.
I am scared. Scared of where my life is going.
I just don't know anymore. Don't know what I am doing or why.

I want things to go smoothly for once, for everything to just be alright. I want someone to wrap their arms around me, tell me everything is okay, because they are there for me. But I'm alone in this world just like I have always been, and will be for the foreseeable future. I have accepted this. Because that is what I do. Accept what I am given. Without complaint to who is offering it to me. But that does not mean that I WANT it, not in the least.