Time

I know that this is wrong, but sometimes I wish I had something: cancer, some rare disease. I am not suicidal or contemplating death. I just wonder, and sometimes feel like I'm not meant to have a full life. I want to be given a certain time to live, and do Everything that I have always wanted. I think that I would be happier.

I also talk about wanting someone to love me for me.. I had that. It wasnt the perfect relationship, but he loved me and I loved him. And I chose to end it. Love doesnt conquer all things... And whoever said that it is better to have loved and lost, then not loved at all, can go crawl in a hole and die. Because I wouldn't have to pain that I currently have if i hadnt gone through it. I'd rather be curious and wondering then feeling my heart rip into pieces. I thought I was over this, but Konfused is making me realize how much i loved about my ex.

So I want to be diagnosed with something, told that I have 6 months to live, or whatever. And be happy for that short amount of time rather than confused, hurt, worried, annoyed, and lost for a long unknown amount of time.