Goodbye (I'm Sorry)

There is this song "Goodbye (I'm Sorry)" by And Then I Turned Seven. Its about suicide.

I'm gonna stress this right away. I would never commit suicide. I would never cause myself harm. But the song hits a nerve. Also, I'm not even in a sad mood. The song just came on randomly on my itunes, and got me thinking.

the chorus:

"And I'm sorry, but this is my fate.

Everything is worthless, no one who wants me to stay.
And I'm sorry, but I've waited too long.
So here's my goodbye, no one will cry over me.

I'm not worth any tears."

No one will cry over me. Thats what hits me.

I often who would notice if i was no longer there. If i died. I know the obvious people that would care. It seems like the young people that die, are always the person that was friends with everyone. I really want to know who would cry over me (again other than the obvious few). I want to know who would all come to my funeral. I have a feeling it wouldnt be that big of a number.

I wish i knew more than i did in life. I would like to know what its like to be a guy. And i want to know who would miss me if i died. There are so many out of my body experiences i would love to have. Just to be more aware of things. Death being one of them. If i could see what how people would be affected by my death, it might lead to me appreciating more. I dont know. But i am very curious.