TBC (to be continued)

I just spent the weekend with Special K, but now i wont get to see him for probably a month.. not cool. He has so many trips planned, and work when he is actually home, so I'm gonna be put on the back burner a bit. Which is okay, I understand that he has trips planned, and that he has to work, but a part of me is wondering if he is glad for this separation..

And i'm just so wishy washy with my feelings. I like him. Thats obvious enough. But i go back and forth on what i think he is feeling. Its just... so difficult to describe. I enjoy being with him, i just question so much. I always question. Every relationship that I've been in. Even the guy that I only dated back in high school. I analyzed everything. And i talk myself out of relationships. I've never been dumped. I'm used to being the person in the relationship that has lesser feelings.

I am just so confused. My thoughts are all jumbled... I'll try to write later to help make sense of this mess